(Especially for parents whose child is stubborn and into bad habits)
Why sometimes, people are so stubborn ? What makes them stubborn ? Are they stubborn from the birth or they acquire it over life ? Is there anyway out to help them come out of stubbornness ?
Some people say that stubbornness is an inherited trait, and some say that it is acquired during life. What is the truth ? The truth is that stubbornness is inherited, but it generally keeps subdued. It is the situations, upbringing, and the environment that are responsible to activate it. Make sense.
What are the situations, upbringing, reasons, environmental factors that activate stubbornness ?
- If a person feels that he is the most important person in a family, the most loving one whose every need is always fulfilled, he develops an attitude which can’t tolerate any kind of deviation from his wishes/demands and he becomes stubborn, not listening to anyone but himself.
- There are two types of stubbornness, one is the stubbornness towards everyone, this is generally very strong from the beginning only. Second is the stubbornness towards a particular group of people while normal to others. Type one stubbornness is a little easy to handle because you just have to handle the person’s will, which can easily be molded with proper love, care and support.
- Type two stubbornness is more dangerous. This is developed because a particular group of people whose ideas matches with a person becomes his close friends and life, while the other group(family) whose ideas doesn’t matches with a person, he make himself detached from them. In this scenario, a person is flexible with his friends and stubborn with the other group. He is more open to accepting ideas and suggestions that his close friends offer while he shows a non receptive attitude towards the other group.
- A constant failure, low performance in the past develops a negative attitude, a kind of low confidence personality in which a person doesn’t trust his capacities, he starts fearing of the unknown, and to avoid any kind of new unknown situations, he resists any change.
- Comparison. The most destructive thing that can make the person very stubborn. It often happens that parents compare their child with other children. This has a very negative effect on a child. He starts believing that his own family doesn’t believe him and he develops a kind of resistive attitude towards them .
- External Influence plays a major role in one’s life, and it becomes a lot more influencing if one is not well connected to his family. A kind of negative environment draws a person into the outside world. And irrespective of good or bad, he certainly enjoy more privileges in the outside world with no restrictions and boundations, and eventually the person loses his interest and connection with the family.
- Emotional Setback is powerful and destructive, if not handled properly. It actually makes you lose your control over yourself. It blocks your thinking capabilities. Person with emotional setback start doing what harms them. They indulge in activities that they know are not good for them. In short, they develop a self destructive attitude.
Is there a way to handle them ?
Type one stubbornness is a lot more easy to handle than type two because in type one you have to fight against the stubborn will of the person but type two requires you to fight against the stubborn will of the person and the external influences on his will. But there are few ways I’m going to mention up next that may help.
For those who haven’t become stubborn yet:
- Do not force your decision. Even if you think that your decision is better for him, just first make him understand that why you consider your decision better. if he agrees with you, implement it.
- Do not compare him with any other children because comparison is going to draw a wall between you two and you’ll lose importance in his eyes, and he won’t give you much preference from then onwards.
- Just for the sake of love, do not fulfill his every wish. This will leave a wrong message in his mind that whatever i wish, i get. And it will eventually make him stubborn.
- Be like that he doesn’t feel bounded in home, and doesn’t feel completely free to be out of home. Keep a proper balance between restrictions and freedom, as required.
If he has already become stubborn, most probably he must not be listening to you, ignoring you, living life on his own, no fear of you. Here are few things you can do:
- You should not try lecturing him all the time about his bad attitude, his bad habits, and do not point out any negatives in him. It won’t work. Because it doesn’t matter what you say to him, he no longer see you as his benefactors. This will make him believe that you only look for faults in him.
- The reason people generally loves to be away from home is because they can’t get the freedom in home which they want. Give him space and time at home.
- Home environment is another factor which is responsible about how a child feels at home. The environment at home must be healthy, good and entertaining. Do things, watch things that interests him. Talk to him on the topic that interests him.
- Stubbornness is in mind, and it doesn’t get build up in one day and it cant go away in one day. You need to break those connections in his mind that have been build up over years and made him stubborn. You need to give it time and deal with it carefully. You need to maintain a good environment, a cheerful environment, praising comments before things start to happen. Slowly, but he will start spending more time at home and among the family members if he gets the kind of environment he like at his home.
- Look for the things that he has interest in and are good for him. Encourage him to go in the field of his interest. If he is more in sports, motivate him to go there.
- After you have reestablish a little connection with him, talk to him if he is having any problem, difficulty or something where he needs help from you. It’s good if he feels that you’re concerned about him.
- Once he regains trust over you that whatever you’re saying is good for him, he will start responding to you. All you need is to make him believe that you want the best for him.
Note: I am not a Psychologist, not a Psychiatrist. I just have a Interest in Psychology.